natural mother
by deaththekid.88.dtks
Summary: this is completely not my celly I just can't read it lizard cuz my phone's broken and still I'm going to use this phone Matt to do it but it's gets pregnant so here the link https:/archiveofourown.org/works/10286651/chapters/22765487#workskin


Hello? Guys can you hear me?"

"Yeah, Pidge, we hear you. Where are you?" Shiro asked. The other paladins responded similarly. All were flooded with relief to hear Pidge's voice. Whatever Zarkon's forces had hit her lion with, it had been bad.

She had been forcibly ejected from her lion and launched into the side of the Galra ship. They all heard the impact, and would consider it nothing short of a miracle if she escaped without a broken bone. Her lion floated deactivated in space, the vine cannon still mounted on its back. Galran sentries had grabbed Pidge almost as soon as she hit. She was in Galra custody, without a weapon.

There was a pause after the paladin's responses, everyone waited for her answer.

"Guys? Guys are you there? Can you hear me?" There was a scuffing noise; Pidge must have taken her helmet off. "Must have been damaged. Something knocked loose." More scuffing noises accompanied her mutters.

"She can't hear us," Lance pointed out as he dodged around galran fire.

"But we can hear her," Shiro affirmed. "That's good; it means we can find her. Let's regroup back at the castle. We'll have her back in no time. It wouldn't be our first prison break."

"I'll tow her lion back," Hunk offered, piloting his own lion over to Green. The other paladins provided cover fire while Hunk pushed.

The Galra forces only retaliated halfheartedly. They had one Paladin captured; it would only be a matter of time before the others flew to the rescue.

The Paladins were tense and quiet as they retreated. Of anyone on the team who they would worry most about in Galra hands, it was Pidge. She wasn't a fighter. She wasn't built to withstand the pain of torture or hold up to questioning. She was a capable Paladin and strong … just in other ways. Pidge's usual defensive strategy was to duck, dodge, and run, using her small size to get away and find something bigger to do the fighting for her. She didn't even have her bayard to help defend herself. They needed to act quickly before she got hurt.

They didn't hear anything but muttering and fidgeting from Pidge until they reached the bridge. Allura had already pulled up a rough blueprint of the ship – fortunately they had dealt with this class before, they were familiar with the layout.

"It looks like they've taken her to the brig. Central, lower decks of the ship." The princess zoomed in on the hologram, a small green dot blinked at Pidge's location.

"Near the cargo bays, easy insertion and extraction point." Keith pointed out.

"Almost too easy," Shiro muttered. "What's the likelihood that they planted a false beacon?"

"It's always a possibility. The Galra are familiar with our smash and grab method by this point. They may be setting up a trap." Coran commented, tugging at his mustache thoughtfully.

"Trap or not, we can't leave Pidge with them. We have to get her back!" Lance snapped.

"And fast, before Zarkon or reinforcements show up," Hunk added.

"As soon as we have a plan, we'll be back in our lions," Shiro assured them. "It may be straight forward, but I think the cargo bay is our best bet. I'll go in and find Pidge. I'm most familiar with these ships and my hand can activate locks. Keith and Hunk, you make a lot of noise and distract the Galra. Lance, I need you watching my back and…" he trailed off as the sound from Pidge's comm changed.

"Hello, is it working? Can you hear me?" Pidge asked.

"Pidge, we hear you!" Allura was quick to respond, hope hiding in her voice.

There was another pause.

"Shit! I don't know what's wrong with this thing!"

A loud rush over the microphone and a following thunk indicated that Pidge had pulled off her helmet and thrown it down in frustration. A few seconds later she was back, muttering about breaking it more and wishing she had a screwdriver.

Two new voices entered, deep, masculine, Galran. They were too far away to be more than indistinct mumbling. Pidge's voice rang out clearly though.

"What do you want?"

The Galra had moved closer now, close enough for their voices to carry through as a soft mutter. "We're here to prepare you for Hagar's ministrations," one voice said smoothly.

"She was very interested in getting her hands on a Paladin of Voltron," the second added, almost in a purr.

There was a scuffle and a sharp "Hey!" from Pidge. It only lasted a second, and suddenly the Galra voices were closer and Pidge was distant.

"Now, remove your armor and any weapons you might be hiding." The first voice commanded.

"No." Even distant and quiet, they all could hear the fury shaking in Pidge's voice… or perhaps it was fear.

"Get to your lions, now!" Allura commanded. If they were processing Pidge already, making her trade her armor in for prisoner rags, then they had less time than they originally thought. Hagar was closer than expected; the witch might even be on the ship.

The paladins sprinted to their lions, ramming their helmets on to keep tabs on Pidge. As they ran, they heard the first voice speak again.

"Very well, then we shall do it for you."

"Don't you dare!" Pidge's voice was pure venom.

Shiro took a quick look at his teammates before they hit the split point. Lance looked pale and sick, running with his eyes fixed on the floor. Keith looked furious, his mouth pressed into a tight, thin line. Hunk was determined, but silent tears spilled down his cheeks.

The sounds of a fight came over the comms – a solid smack of a fist on flesh, a short howl of pain. It sounded like Pidge had landed one good hit on her captors. It wouldn't be enough though. Pidge would never last in a close quarters fight against two Galra. Most of them wouldn't. There was a retaliating sound, a larger fist hitting flesh. Pidge cried out in pain. They didn't hear anything else for several moments except Pidge's furious protestations.

Shiro heard soft whimpering, but he couldn't be sure if it was Pidge or Hunk.

The second voice returned. "Well, well, well … It looks like we've caught ourselves the female paladin."

"So it seems. Looks like she's young too… untouched."

"What condition did Hagar say she needed the Paladin in?" the second voice asked.

"Alive."

"Just alive?"

"Oh gods," Allura whispered, horrified. "They wouldn't."

"They won't get the chance," Shiro growled, as he slid into the black lion's cockpit. "Make noise and cause a distraction!" He rocketed out of the castle, the other three on his flank. Shiro silently cursed the fact that they had to keep the castle so far from the Galra ship.

There was another thunk as the helmet was dropped. Pidge's voice was louder, closer. The Galra were closing in on her.

"Don't touch me!"

"Oh, I love when they fight," the first voice purred.

"I think I should have first go. She did hit me. Got my blood boiling."

"Very well. But don't be too long, we do have to bring her to Hagar."

"Oh god, Pidge…" Lance moaned desperately.

The sound of struggling reached their ears. Pidge shouting "No!" over and over. The Galra asking for a hand from his companion. "Hold her down, she's too squirmy."

The struggling stopped. Pidge fell into desperate pleading, they could hear her sobbing.

"I can't! I'm sorry, I can't!" Lance's voice was strained. He cut him comm.

Shiro pulled his lion to a stop, the others followed him. They were still too far from the Galra ship. Even Keith wouldn't make it in time to stop them. "Don't listen. You don't have to listen," he told the others, already having resolved himself to being there for Pidge. At least as best as he could.

Keith cut his comms without a word. Shiro heard Allura stifle a sob, but the castle commlink stayed open. As did Hunk's, but the Paladin was dead silent. Shiro wasn't sure if he had taken off his helmet.

Shiro screwed his eyes shut as Pidge's begging turned into screams. He was assaulted with memories of his time in prison. He had heard those cries before as Galra attacked prisoners, as prisoners turned on each other, but they had always been distant, detached. This was…oh god, Pidge!

Shiro patched the comm through the cockpit and ripped off his helmet. He pressed his face into his hands. Hot, furious, desperate tears fell, he stifled his sobs the best he could. He had failed her! His job was to keep his teammates safe. He was the team leader! If he had moved quicker, his lion would have taken that shot. He would have been the one captured by the Galra.

Eventually, the screaming stopped. Shiro only heard soft whimpers from Pidge, and the satisfied grunts of the Galra. They weren't wasting their breath on words anymore.

Time passed excruciatingly slow, drawing out every tortured breath. The Galra finally finished. They departed with a snide "Clothe yourself, Hagar will send for you soon," thrown at her on their way out the door. Pidge said nothing, and continued to weep.

Shiro took a shaking breath, and stemmed his tears. He slid his helmet back on. "Who's still with me?" he asked.

"I am." Hunk's voice was cold and hollow.

"I am too," Coran responded quietly.

"What about Allura?"

"No, she left."

Shiro nodded, knowing nobody would see anyway. "Get her back Coran, we may need her to run the castle's defenses. At the very least, we'll need a way out of here."

"I didn't want to listen…" Hunk muttered. "But I-I couldn't leave her alone either."

"I know, Hunk. We need to signal Keith and Lance."

"I think if we start moving, they'll get the picture."

"Right," Shiro bean moving his lion forward again. It wasn't long before Lance and Keith rejoined the comm.

"What's the plan?" Lance's voice was shaking with fury.

"Same as before. Smash and grab rescue."

"But what about those bastards!?" Keith interjected.

"Pidge is our priority right now. Not the Galra. We get her and we get the hell away from here. The Galra will come later." There were no further objections. "Hunk, Keith, cause a distraction. Lance, watch my back. I'll break in and get her."

"Her beacon hasn't moved, Paladins," Coran said. "She should be in that cell."

"Let's bring her home."

XXXXXXXXXX

If there had been a trap laid for the paladins, it had either been poorly executed, or they had taken the Galra by surprise. Shiro had broken into the cargo hold and found his way to Pidge's cell in a matter of minutes. He slammed his Galra hand into the security pad, cursing how slow the scan was. When the door finally opened, he saw Pidge, back in her paladin armor sitting on the floor, letting the wall hold her up, playing listlessly with her helmet. A pile of prisoner rags lay on the floor beside her.

She jumped when the door opened, raising her hands in defense before she recognized Shiro.

"Shiro, thank god!" She tried to get to her feet, barely stifling a pained whine and not hiding her grimace as her legs failed to support her.

"It's okay, Pidge. I've got you." Shiro scooped Pidge up off the floor, holding her close and secure against his chest. "We'll get you out of here. You're safe now."

God, she was so small.

Pidge let herself be carried, not bothering to hide the tears that streamed down her face. "I'm sorry, I-I think I hurt myself in the crash, a-and my helmet broke. I couldn't call for help."

"It's alright, Pidge. It's okay." Shiro muttered to her, over and over again as he jogged back to the black lion.

They made it back to the lion without incident. Shiro tucked Pidge behind his seat and jumped into the controls. "We're coming out." He informed the others. "Let's go."

Lance had done his job superbly, and had cleared a wide area between the cargo bay and the Galra ships. He fell to Shiro's right as they left the belly of the ship. Hunk and Keith joined them shortly after, providing cover fire.

"She thinks her helmet is broken. She doesn't know we know?" Lance asked tersely, taking down a couple pursuing drones.

"Someone has to tell her." Keith added. "It wouldn't be right to keep that from her."

A silence fell as the Paladins all imagined exactly how they could tell Pidge. Shiro knew as team leader, the responsibility should fall to him. The thought of hurting Pidge even more made him sick.

"I'll tell her." Allure volunteered, breaking her silence. "I'll take care of her and tell her. I'll meet you in the hangar, take her to the infirmary."

"Get us out of here first," Shiro reminded her. "We need to get away from the Galra."

Shiro supported Pidge as she limped out of the lion. She avoided making eye contact with anyone, her helmet dangled loosely from her hand. The Paladins lined up awkwardly alongside, wishing desperately for the right words to say.

"Hunk?" Pidge asked quietly when she caught sight of the yellow paladin. She handed him her helmet. "The commlink is broken. Can you fix it?"

Hunk blinked rapidly to hold back his tears. "Yeah, sure thing," he said weakly.

They reached the lift, the other three hung back.

"We'll… check the green lion for any damage." Lance offered as an excuse for not cramming into the lift.

Shiro nodded, Pidge said nothing. He pressed the button to take them to med bay. Allura met them at the lift.

"I'll take her from here, Shiro." She spoke softly, lifting Pidge's free arm over her shoulders. "I'll find you when we have an update."

Shiro let them go; Allura and Pidge disappeared behind the medbay doors. He stood there, helpless, in the hall. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want to intrude. After a few minutes, the lift returned with the rest of the paladins. They stood there, staring at the closed doors, silent, waiting.

"Good news, nothing's broken. Just bruised." Allura tried to put on a cheery voice; she winced when it came out too forced.

If Pidge noticed, she didn't say anything. She sat up slowly from the scanner, her mouth pressed into a tight thin line, looking like she was on the verge of tears, looking like she was about to collapse.

Allura bit her lip, trying to figure out what to say. Should she try and get Pidge to tell her what happened? Should she just come out and say it? Was there a way that would help? She doubted that. What Pidge had gone through… there was nothing that could fix it, nothing to make it go away. Just time and the support of friends and loved ones. Even that wouldn't fix things; it would just make the pain easier to bear.

"I think a hot shower, or a bath would… help some." Allura offered, unhelpfully. "And then some time in the pods to heal you up."

"Mm-hmm," Pidge offered as a reply, still staring off into space.

"Pidge… about your helmet," Allura started, resolving it would be best to get this over with quickly.

"Yeah, it must have broken when I hit the ship. I couldn't hear anything, couldn't get a comm signal." Pidge pulled her knees up to her chest.

"I know, Pidge." Allura tried to keep her tears at bay. She sat next to Pidge and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "The thing is… your receiver was broken. The transmitter was working fine."

Pidge stiffened under her hand, Allura was sure she stopped breathing. "You heard?" she whispered hoarsely.

"We heard. I'm so sorry Pidge." She was freely crying now. Pidge's shoulders shook as she cried. "If you ever want to talk about it – even if it's not with any of us, please Pidge, tell me. We'll find someone to help you."

Allura rubbed small circles on Pidge's back while the girl cried. They sat that way for a few minutes, not talking. There was nothing that could be said. Finally, with a sniff, Pidge lifted her head, wiping away her tears.

"I think I'll go take that shower now," she muttered thickly.

"Do you want my help? I can take your armor, get it cleaned."

"Sure." Allura slipped Pidge's arm over her shoulder again and helped her to the door. Pidge limped along, eyes locked on the floor. Allura saw the hovering Paladins. She waver her free hand frantically to get them to clear away. They got the message.

It was a short walk from med bay to the lift and from the lift to the living quarters. Allura led Pidge into the bathroom and to the furthest shower. She set the paladin on the bench and started the water, making sure it wasn't too hot, but still warm enough to feel properly cleansing. When it was ready, she turned back to Pidge. The girl was still sitting there in her armor.

"Pidge? Would you like me to help take your armor off?" she asked quietly.

Pidge nodded. Allura started slowly taking off the armored pieces until Pidge was left in her body glove.

"Can you get the zipper?" she asked, either unable, or unwilling to reach to the back of her neck.

Allura nodded, and pulled at the zipper. She slowly saw more and more of Pidge's skin; what she saw was scratched up, bruised and bloody. Her sports bra was spotted red with blood. Allura helped Pidge shrug off the shoulders. She barely stopped herself from gasping. There were bite marks on her shoulders and neck, claw marks all along her back and down her arms, bruises on her shoulders from hands forcing her down.

Those monsters!

"Can you turn around?" Pidge asked, tearfully.

"Yes, let me know when it's okay." Allura dutifully turned her back, and tried to ignore the pained whimpers from Pidge as she finished shedding her clothes. She heard the shower door close and dared a look around.

Pidge's clothes were in a pile on the floor. Her underclothes were torn and bloodied; her body glove was stained in some places. Allura held back her tears and picked them up, balling up the worst of the stains tightly.

"I'll bring you clean clothes, okay?"

Pidge didn't answer again.

"I'll go put these in the wash." Allura knew the only place these clothes were going was the incinerator. She walked out of the bathroom, leaving Pidge to the solitude she needed. She wasn't surprised to see the rest of the Paladin's waiting outside the bathroom door.

"How is she?" Shiro asked.

"I don't know," Allura answered truthfully, shaking her head. "She's not talking much, but it was so recent… she hardly said anything when I told her."

Everyone jumped when an anguished scream came from the bathroom. It was accompanied by the repetitive dull thud of what everyone hoped was Pidge's fist pounding the shower wall.

Hunk started forward instinctively, only stopped by Shiro's hand on his shoulder. "Let her get it out," he said grimly. "We'll give her space. Allura, will you keep an eye on her."

The princess nodded. "Of course. I'm getting her some clean clothes. I'll be back in just a tic." She hurried away to Pidge's room.

Pidge's wailing followed her throughout the castle.

XXXXXXXXXX

Pidge gritted her teeth as her lion careened off wildly.Sloppy dodge!She scolded herself. She took a calming breath. That was close, too close.

"Pidge, you alright?" Shiro asked.

"I'm fine!" she called back. "It missed me."

Nobody said anything else. Pidge was certain they had seen her awkward dodge. They were all watching her carefully. Her first fight back in her lion since… since the Galra. It had been a few weeks… twenty-three days. Pidge wasn't sure if she was really ready for this, but she was a Paladin of Voltron. She needed to be out there with her team… finally.

The others had done a few minor missions without her. She hadn't quite been ready to get back into her lion. The others had been understanding, but her team needed her today. Another one of Zarkon's robeasts had found them. They would need Voltron.

She hadn't thought that she would get this rusty after a few weeks out of her lion. She felt like Green wasn't responding to her, not as well as they had been before. It was like their bond has been weakened. It almost felt like Green was resisting her.

Pidge stifled a shout as another shot flew right past her nose, missing by a hair again. The robeast had picked her out as the weak link. It was targeting her.

"Pidge, we need your vines to tie this guy up so we can form Voltron!" Shiro ordered, blasting at the robeast.

"I know, keep him off my back, I need to line up the shot."

The other lions distracted the robeast. Pidge swung her lion around and jammed her bayard into the port. It slid easily into place; Pidge heard her lion power up. She pushed back memories of what had happened the last time she had tried to use her vine cannon. Suddenly her bayard was turned back and forced out of the port with a shock of energy. Pidge shouted in pain and surprise and drew her hand back. Her bayard fell to the floor and bounced out of her reach.

"Pidge, what happened?" Shiro asked.

"We need your vines!" Lance called.

"I-I don't know. It just rejected me!" Pidge shouted back, her hands flew over the controls, eyes scanning for whatever might be wrong.

"Pidge, watch out!" Hunk called.

Too late, the blast hit Pidge full force. The lion slammed into the planet's surface. Pidge hit her head on the back of her seat, hard. She heard her teammates calling her name, but she only had a second before she blacked out.

Pidge regained consciousness slowly. She didn't hear the sounds of battle, or her teammates talking – just a gentle rushing sound. She didn't feel like she was in her lion either… rather she was laying down on something somewhat soft.

Had she been injured? Was she back in one of the medical pods in the castle? What happened to Voltron? What happened to the robeast?!

She shot upright with a gasp.

Pidge wasn't in her lion, or a medical pod. She was sitting in the middle of a wide, grassy field. Had she been thrown from her lion again? She stood up slowly, expecting to feel pain from her recent crash, but nothing hurt. Pidge looked around, confused. Waist-high golden grass stretched around as far as she could see, it met a cloudless, deep blue sky at the horizon. The sun was strong and warm, a breeze gently caressed the grass.

Pidge turned a slow circle, and saw someone approaching through the grass. She was tall, walked with a languid grace. As she got closer, Pidge could see she was covered in golden fur, a tufted tail waved behind her with each step. She wore a dark green dress; it draped over one shoulder, was belted at her waist, and fell to her feet. She had a feline face, broad muzzle, light green eyes, round ears, no hair. She smiled gently at Pidge.

Pidge knew she had never seen anything like her, but she knew her immediately. "Green?"

The lioness stopped a few feet in front of Pidge. "Hello, my Paladin."

"Is this a dream?"

"In a sense, yes, but I am not a fabrication of your mind. This is just the easiest way for us to talk."

Pidge was immediately annoyed; her hand ached with the memory of her recent shock. "What the hell happened?" she snapped. "Why did you reject me? Our team needed us!"

Green frowned at Pidge. "My Paladin, I did not reject you. You were fighting me."

Pidge shook her head furiously. "No! I knew exactly what I needed. We needed the vine canon!"

"Yes, we did. But you were not committed to the battle. Your heart and mind are divided. To enter battle while distracted is a fatal choice."

Pidge crossed her arms uncomfortably. The lioness was right.

"You dwell on your past injuries."

"Can you blame me? It's not something I can just erase from my memory. Trust me, I've tried."

"You are afraid."

"Of course I'm afraid! I shouldn't be, but I am." Pidge looked down at her lion's bare, clawed feet.

"Fear should not be a source of shame, my Paladin." Green explained gently, almost like a mother lecturing her child. She placed a paw on Pidge's shoulder, directly over the fading marks left there by the Galra. They stung with memory. "Fear has been one of the driving forces of life, of evolution, and growth since the beginning of time. It is not fear which weakens a soul. It is how one faces their fear that leads either to growth or decay."

Pidge reached up to her shoulder tentatively and touched her lion's paw. It was soft and warm, but she could feel just beneath the fur at the tips were sharp, lethal claws. "I shouldn't be afraid of the Galra. I'm a Paladin of Voltron. I've been fighting them for so long. Even after what they did to me…"

"Your fear of the Galra is not what's holding you back. I know you will overcome that in due time."

Pidge dropped her hand and looked up into the lion's eyes. "I don't understand."

"You are afraid of yourself."

Pidge furrowed her brow. "No I'm not."

"No? You haven't had dark thoughts crossing your mind, filling the quiet hours, haunting your nightmares?"

Pidge looked away, flushing slightly. Green was right. More often than not when her thoughts returned to that day they took a violent turn. Not violence from Galra, but violence from her. In her nightmares her pinned arms found hold of a weapon – something sharp, a knife on a belt, a jagged shard of metal. She found the strength to lash out, cut deep. Her nightmares turned into bloodbaths… and she enjoyed them. The thought of her actually taking a life in that manner was enough to turn her stomach… but, god, the thoughts of revenge were so sweet.

She hadn't told anyone, she hadn't mentioned her nightmares. She was afraid the other Paladins would be repulsed by this violent streak. She was afraid they'd say she was unfit to be a Paladin anymore. If she couldn't be a Paladin then what use was she?

"You are afraid of this darker side of yourself. You are afraid to speak of what you truly desire."

"I just want to move on," Pidge insisted quietly. "I just want to be a Paladin of Voltron, I want to bring Zarkon's reign to an end and restore peace to the universe. I want to find my brother and my father. I want to take them home."

"Yes, those are all things you desire." Green purred gently. "But there is more. Something you will not even admit to yourself."

"No… I don't know what you're talking about." Pidge insisted, shaking her head slowly.

"My Paladin, if you cannot trust yourself, I cannot help you. What is it that you truly want?"

"I don't know." Pidge was beginning to get frustrated.

"You do. You are just afraid to admit it."

"I don't know!" Pidge snapped. "I don't know what you want me to say."

The lioness glared down at Pidge sternly. "I want you to be honest with yourself. This is not an exam you can pass by regurgitating the memorized answer."

Pidge stepped out from under Green's paw. "I just want to move on."

"How? How do you want to move past this? Would you have those that hurt you go on with their lives."

"No." The thought alone left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Would you see them go unpunished for their crimes?"

"No!"

Green paused for a moment, waiting for Pidge to continue, but her Paladin remained silent, unwilling to put her desires into words. Her next question was soft and venomous. "Do you wish for retribution?"

"I do! God, yes I do. I want them to hurt. I want revenge on those damned Galra!" Pidge shouted, furious tears burning in her eyes.

The lioness smiled, broad, toothy, predatory. "And you shall have it, my Paladin." The promise rumbled in her throat like thunder. She stepped forward and placed both hands on Pidge's shoulders. Green pulled her close and bent her head to touch her forehead to Pidge's.

Pidge leaned into the embrace and closed her eyes. She thought briefly that the lioness smelled like rich warm earth, rain on the wind of an approaching storm, decay in an ancient forest. The touch departed, but the scent lingered. Pidge opened her eyes and she was back in her cockpit.

"Pidge! Pidge talk to us! Are you okay?" Shiro's voice was tight and anxious.

"I'm alright." Pidge assured them. She stooped down and picked up her bayard.

"That was quite a crash, is your lion alright?" Hunk asked.

Pidge's fingers danced over the controls, Green responded immediately. She stood up and shook off the dirt and debris.

"She's fine. We're both fine."


End file.
